31 Days to a Positive Inner Voice: Negative Self Talk and Relationships

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Our own negative self talk, our inner voice, low self esteem, and self criticism can have major negative effects on relationships. It directly effects how we interact with other people. Our negative inner voice can also make it so we feel unworthy and undeserving. Often times making us lose any motivation to pursue our dreams, pursue relationships, and try to interact socially with others.

Ways our negative self talk and low self esteem affect our relationships

  • You have a hard time connecting
  • You have zero trust
  • You may end up in a bad relationship
  • You may not speak up
  • You go absolutely love crazy
  • You look for love in the wrong places
  • You don’t speak up

Negative Self Talk and RelationshipsThis article, 15 Negative Thoughts to Avoid if You’re Trying to Find a Lasting Relationship has some great examples of negative thoughts that we may harm our chances at a strong, healthy relationship. There are a few I find especially harmful, not only to our relationships but also to our self esteem further.

“I need someone to be complete”

This thought process is extremely destructive. It makes us fear failure in relationships. When we feel we absolutely need someone we often stick around with the wrong person. This could even mean staying in abusive relationships. How do we change this thought? Remember you are complete on your own. This means finding value in your life without a relationship. It may be good to spend some time single. Explore who you are, your wants and needs, and how you can find them.

“You’re going to cheat on me”

Lack of trust is often a sign of lack of confidence. Lack of confidence in our relationship and ourselves. This may be a sign our conscious is telling us that the relationship is not right but it can also be a self destructive thought process. When we constantly fear our significant other cheating we put barriers to trust being built. When the significant other feels constantly questioned they may become overwhelmed and frustrated leaving the relationship.

“I wonder what your ex is like”

This thought can be destructive when it becomes obsessive. Personally my husband and I talk about everything. This includes our exes, how we felt about them, things we did, things we liked and didn’t. When trust is a staple in your relationship this is wonderful to do. However, when we have a low self esteem it can be hard to hear and often times we can become obsessed. This obsession can put a barrier in your relationship.

How do we change our thoughts to help foster long lasting, strong relationships?

  • Understand what you want in a relationship
  • Make sure your in a relationship for healthy instead of unhealthy reasons
  • Choose your partner wisely
  • Be realistic
  • Do not try to change your significant other
  • Build friendship
  • Have your own life away from your significant other
  • Expect your relationship to change
  • Treat each other with respect
  • Be honest


31 Days to a Positive Inner Voice

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4 thoughts on “31 Days to a Positive Inner Voice: Negative Self Talk and Relationships

  1. This is such a hard thing to deal with. My hubs went through a time when he struggled with things like this and dealing with his negativity was so hard for me.

  2. Sarah, you made me think about my own marriage with this one! It is easy to let those voices in your head get to you. But I am learning how to shut them up and replace them with positive thoughts.

  3. as someone who was a victim of a domestic abuse, it can be hard to not allow the negative feelings creep into a sound, safe relationship, even years later. you raise the best points!

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